Reddit family wants to reconnect. I’m from Russia, but currently I’m not living there. A couple of days after my 19th B'day the daughter (who we considered like family) of a close family friends of ours accused me of SA during my b'day party. I hope you find peace and happiness whatever it takes to get you there. My (20) absent father (42) now wants to be an active parent, but to another child. You & your siblings are now adults & were forced to grow up quickly, look after yourselves & each other. It’s a shame time has brought this around, but his absence was a choice, his. Individual therapy for you and marriage therapy for you and your wife and maybe family therapy if you want to stay reconnected with your sisters. It's quite complicated task, I recommend you take your time to prepare before you start a discussion, maybe talk about it with some other people that know your loved one as well. So I think she wanted me to let them stay at in my new townhouse Reply reply More replies Make sure everyone in the family knows the truth and that you kicked a 16 year old kid out of the house to survive on the streets with literally nothing but the clothes on his back. OOP committed an assault, apologized, changed his behavior, and moved forward. On the other, I have next to no close family left so keeping in touch with him could be nice, even if he sucks. You don't have to say it to him or the others, but forgive him in your heart. They aren't going to change. It went from seeing him every other weekend, to Ex is trying to reconnect, advice? [new] Background: So a little more than a year ago I (m25) ended an almost year long relationship with someone (f24). Inviting people to do things or come to dinner etc. To give you a quick summary of what has happened: my parents were shit, I cut them off when I moved out, I fucked up and am going to be a dad, now my mother wants to reconcile. I only had a few seconds to procress seeing This is the most important point, OP. I grew up the youngest child of a very conservative religious household. After the hell you forced me through, I do not want you anywhere near my wife or my four children. At this point I honestly don’t r/relationship_advice. I have a simple philosophy: when in doubt do without. Despite this, my brothers want me to reconnect with dad. She is old & has no-one around, even her own family does not seem to want her around. Backstory: I (19M) am currently living on my own without any close family. We were teenagers, me and my brother were ostracized, my mother allowed herself to be manipulated and buy into a sort of reality that pushed us away. Everything else is just opportunistic greed. I am not angry anymore. As for your dad. another family member talked about him and is trying to get to my family through that one because she wants a relationship no matter how bad it hurts. If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to 741741. There is actually a term for what your girlfriend's family wants you to be: a flying monkey. Many cycle in and out of estrangement trying to find what works best/they can tolerate/until they give up. After my grandmother died of almost 10 years, that was the last time I saw cousins that were my age. To those that gave me credit for overcoming everything, thank you, however the wife thinks she deserves most of it, lol. Dad remarried when I was 12 and had 3 kids (13m, 10f, and 10f) with current wife. When there are family functions I am often excludes. We knew he was alive through some tips my mom managed to get out of old friends of his but that’s all. OP's family are the ones that decided they wanted to re-establish a relationship. C. Nta. At the time she left, I didn't really understand why she did it and it felt weird not having her around. A friend I hung out with two or three years ago and stopped talking to her willingly, wants to reconnect. I kept pleasantries because of family gathering and pressure from them etc. He told his parents who told my grandma that I said “fuck”, my grandma believed them and I insisted I never said it. 3. Maybe they haven't even been honest with the rest of the family about what they did, and now they're trying to save face. I am thinking trying to see her in person for Christmas but since I do not have news i do not even know if they will be there if I show up at their house. Keep your organs safe. If your kids want to know why husband is not a closer part of your family, the burden of explaining that is on father, not husband. My parents were not pleasant. I loved seeing her again, but I fear I didn’t show it as much because I had something on my mind that day. I told my family the truth about what happened with Bo. You can tell your family what you said here: "No thanks, I don't want to reconnect. " I'm their 21 year old daughter, and I'm going to explain my side of things. com has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option. My mother basically got a second chance at a nuclear family and abandoned her first family. Not me or my sister, my mom, his parents, ANYONE. It was a great trip and we kind of dubbed it our "disconnect" vacation. Either way, each email asks for me to contact him. Its all very sweet, and she's not a terrible person by any means, but I've moved on and am not really looking for another friendship My godfather wants me to reconnect with my abusive family I don't have the strength to tell you guys all about my family particularly my mother but know this she is a damn freaking chameleon. The guy goes from ready to fight the brother for trying to steal his girl before they are married to just knuckling under to the brother's "proof" of the affair he never had after he has been married for years and has three kids. His family collective, however, has retained its rigid and controlling mindset. I'm not defending the attack. When I was younger my bio dad suicided leaving me, bio sister and mother alone to fend for ourselves. He simply has a guilty conscience. Either way, no rush on making any decisions here. People cross-post stories for a chance that our podcast hosts (Sean, John and Josh) will read the story on the show. Edit to add: both your boyfriend and family probably think they have good intentions. You decide when to make the phone calls, you decide on the visits, and etc. Extended family that suddenly wants to reconnect is almost always because they want something. You initiated first contact but your mother did not reply. You don't owe her one thing. I'm saving my kids from that hell. Ever. However shes saying that she wants me to have a complete family, meaning reconciling with my abusive parents. I go back to work next week, so I only have 1 week left. Hadn't talked with my mother since she left the family because we didn't accept her alcoholism. I've noticed this phenomenon occur every 5-10 years (and 2 recently after 15 years), like clockwork, with almost every past male relationship I've had (friendship/casually or Most of my family lives up in Rhode Island. NTA you’re not obligated to have relationships with your family, estranged or not. Through the years against my wishes my family kept supporting her. and not my dad. Just with her though, I don’t really want to reconnect with the rest of the group. That has nothing to do with you. So guess what, Beth is going to stay with us untill she gets on her own feet. The title pretty much says it: he wants to reconnect but I'm not sure if I should do it. When I was 9 years old I was playing outside at my grandmas house and got into a fight with the 4 year old boy next door. At the time I was really depressed and Scan this QR code to download the app now. And for whatever the ramp up to the attack was, he was a child. I've moved on from that phase of my life. My mother raised my brothers in the Caribbean and my sisters were raised by their mothers in If you want to reconnect I say do it your way. The CPS calls were hell on not only OP, but her husband and in-laws too. This leads me to two general ideas: 1: Building a relationship will be mostly on you to start with. Or check it out in the app stores It has been almost 2 years and my sis is now 17 and I want to reconnect. As an example, I went no contact with my father in my teens and didn’t reconnect until I was early 30’s. And then, a couple weeks before Christmas, my big sister and I get a message from some "Op, I want you to know that I don't want anything more to do with you. Bro if she’s responding to other dudes she’s not loyal. So this is a long story and english is not my first language please bare it with me. He didn’t interact with anyone in the family. You can ask her why she allows his treatment and advise her to change that, but beyond that, it’s up to her. OOP did what was best for himself, social optics and pressure be damned. Better days and a life of love for you. So it really helps bring in a different country. Oh God. You need to wake up and realize this after 30+ years. I then tell my gf on Monday “hey my dad wants to reconnect with me, I just want you to be by my side with me so I think I want to call this Saturday”. Basically, narcissists will use someone outside the situation as a minion to regain control of their child. I don't know if I want to do that, and I told my brothers that when they first brought it up, which was a few years ago now, and they agreed to give me some time, but with Christmas just gone For context, my husband cheated on me 2 years ago. Before I met her I was living with in small town N. He was treated as part of our family and his betrayal has broken that relationship with my family too. TrickedCollegekid404. OP moved on with their life and changed a So I have been dating the most wonderful woman for the past 5 years, and we've seriously been considering marriage. Estranged Mother (F 40) wants to reconcile. My family is very close to each other, therefore when my husband cheated on me, I was not the only one that was hurt, my family and relatives did too. " All of my memories with my dad and his family are good memories. I’ve burned that bridge beyond repair. Dad died and my sisters want to reconnect all of us again. I then had to move in with my Aunt and her family who lives in another city (Melbourne) 8 hours Old friend wants to reconnect. I love my sister and I decided to support her, but being at my mother's place and seeing how she was then, well it put some thoughts into my head. This friend has been a taker and but not a giver. " He will need years of therapy to accept his I find in reconnecting with an estranged family member it's really smart to keep expectations as low as possible—even if it feels like they changed at first. We were kids. As we were eating Sam raised the subject of what we wanted to do moving forward. " Also, you'd want to be clear with them: "Please do not give out my contact details or put them in touch with me. I work as a therapist specializing in narcissistic family systems. Since I can remember, I experience past male friends, exes or acquaintances randomly reach out to me through social media, and suddenly want to reconnect, out of nowhere. You want that wall to stay up, you seem to want to have that big dramatic moment. Lots to unpack. A few years back she found god and got the kids baptized and etc and started acting nice. I told her that once the time is more right I’ll be ready. valamila. And for the love of all that is good, don't hand over anything of significant material value, or allow anyone to move in with you. r/Relationships in today's XO story, OP's family cut contact with him 5 years ago after a dispute with his brother. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. I thought he was a cheater, and I told my family, who told his family and it strained his relationship with his mom for many years. When I asked them to drop/change the subject they did. My Mom decided not to keep in contact because there was some bad blood among her and my uncle, and how poorly they ( my uncle and his wife, their kids, and my grandmother’s sister)treated my grandmother. I know you wanted to reconnect - from my experiencing (personally and with clients) every adult child who goes NC from a toxic parents tries to reconnect. So no they never straight up said it but they didn't hide it either. Now that she has retired, she wants her family back. Some responded, while others did not. There’s a reason you may hesitate, listen to that. There are many different ways to be estranged, taking time out to heal often gives clarity on what might work best, time to put in place firm boundaries. Hi Reddit, I (17m) am the youngest of five siblings from a complicated family background. Many do not have the self perception or desire to do so. Seems like my number is still blocked so I sent a couple emails and a what’s app 2 weeks ago but idk if she saw them. You can only control yourself. If there is a bottom hole in Hell it is filled with betrayers and backstabbers like his parents, his kids, his ex-wife, and brother. But after that point, I couldn't stop thinking about him. g my dad had a family BBQ and didn't invite me They forgot my birthday on more than one occasion and when they remembered they got me a 10 dollar Starbucks gift card even when they know I don't like Starbucks. First I want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice. Yes, I have been given premission from my mom to post this. Advice Needed. I have reconnect with my mom. Then my lovely step dad joined the picture, he had a child from a different family which he saw every two weeks. On one hand, he is terrible in every way. My sister (the only one who isn't a complete ass) told me that my brother and his family moved into my parents house. They would have made the decision not to invite you to the wedding as they may not want the happy celebration to become about you and your story. Not a good relationship. I've moved on. She apologized for what drove us apart and attached a song from Tenacious D called "I miss you". She asked me if I wanted to grab some coffee together and I'm not sure if I really want to. My aunt and her kids seem disinterested or at best, non-committal in their responses. There were a lot of things she neglected to say on her part. Former addict here and I have a family dynamic like this. We were not on our phones like usual and just had some good quality family time. These are things I had to learn by experience after sobriety, and in really intense therapy. I have no longer a son. Reddit is a really, really small place, all things considered. He wasn't really a part of my life aside from seeing him on holidays and school breaks. Your family and your brother especially would have suffered grief and loss from your actions. I was half an hour late to pick up due to my job? Cps charges because neglect. He and my mother were broken up by the time I was born, so we were never really a She should contact you with no strings attached if she wants to reconnect (an ironic choice of words if you think about it) and not because she wants free childcare. There were violent episodes at some points and the miserable experience just culminated into my mother leaving. Hello. You've hurt us a lot and decided enough was enough. UPDATE Estranged from Sister for 3 Years, Want to Reconnect. Right now it's not clear what happened between your girlfriend and her family, but if she's in that type of situation, it's best to stay out of it. I come from a rather broken family history. I want to reconnect with my ex best friend but not sure how. I (M 22) am not sure. •. It's a little troubling at least to me that he neglected to tell you for 2 weeks. Cps. They may talk a big game but it’s a protective mechanism. I was out after 10 pm with my toddler (this happened twice because we went to family gatherings). And, stay far, far away from my family. The only exception I would make is if the siblings weren't able to find you, and weren't part of the family shunning. If you have question to ask, a story to tell, or a statement to make about family feel free to post. My family took her side of the story and I was disowned and kicked out of the family house. I just received a long, thoughtful Facebook message from an old friend that really wants to reconnect. He hasn't apologised, he hasn't owned his wrongdoing, and the fact that he is pressuring you for contact without doing any of the above first is all massive red flags. I met Sarah when we were 14 and we started dating this subreddit is for a podcast called reddit on wiki, that reads reddit stories. If they aren't willing to acknowledge what they did and offer a sincere apology, then I'd say you don't need that kind of energy in your life. I think therapy should have already been in place for this, now after reading this I suggest it even more. She even suggested a reunion because she was still in touch with the group. Like others said forgive your father and the rest. this subreddit is for a podcast called reddit on wiki, that reads reddit stories. Love yourself 1st, through kindness & compassion. I was initially shocked by what you said but I came to make my peace with it. The first words out of his mouth when his mother called to confess her sins should have been "Took you long enough. If your family cares about you and are genuinely trying to reconnect, they will chill out too and back off on the boyfriend thing. If they really want to reconnect, they'll do what kaevas said on their own and demand nothing in return. It seems like there are lots of dynamics in this family which makes them somewhat unsafe people for you to be around. I appreciate your sentiment in wanting forgiveness and I am glad you have recognized your mistake. No contact, no child support, no nothing for 15 years. and it works out very well. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. I (45M) was married to my highschool sweetheart Sarah (45F). I was 13, much like you were 14. Despite what he did, I still stayed. We would talk pretty much every day and hang out probably Agreed. I had a hard time with him remarrying because there was an immediate decrease in the attention he gave to my brother and me. https://www. Post about anything related to family! This can be questions, stories, and comparisons on families. My mother wants to reconnect with me and I don't want that. Sometimes she will try and force me to reconnect with him ( they are still married) lucky I live in Spain and my mom flies over to see me. You are mature beyond your years and are making the right decision as he only wants to contact you to assuage his own guilt and probably wants something from you. Then, like the first time I make a post, in another subreddit, it was linked in our group's discord a few hours later. 2. E. with my religious parents and sister(21F, whom I also don't talk to). If OP's parents only want to reconnect without making amends for the disturbances they brought upon someone else's family over the years, it's better off for the grand-daughter to not have their bad influence in her life. Drop her before she takes the house! It is possible for men to be friends with women, even ex's. I don’t want to reconnect, but why is she desperate to reconnect given she has a whole new range of friends and a husband who keep her busy. If one or the other refuses to listen to you and what YOU need out of this, then they aren't who you want them to be. This is the most recent one I'm highly skeptical of. It’s been about a month since they suggested reconnection. Beth said she wanted to get away from our parents but didn't have any way to do so. ADMIN MOD. If you want any respect from your siblings, avoid this monster. TL;DR - I raped my younger sister's friend during college, I was disowned by my family except dad. I told everyone of our relatives about how rude you were to us and we all agreed to cut all contact with you since you clearly don't need us anymore. Free support options: r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you. Afterward, I tried to reconnect with other family members. They show little interest in wanting to know you. So here’s my background. But I know entertaining his attempts to reconnect are not healthy. You are under no obligation to owe her Then a buddy of mine discovered my reddit account by coming across a random comment I'd made. Update II:My family wants to reconect after 6 years. Thank you for your suggestions and ideas. And he deserves to live with the guilt of his actions. 7cups. People who actively seek out free childcare sometimes have a bad reason for it and you can't take the risk. Addiction and dysfunctional family systems are FREQUENTLY co-morbid; gatekeeping information and misrepresenting the gravity of social consequences is a common tactic of controlling parents. My family wants to reconnect after 6 years. They have mentioned that I should reconnect 2 or 3 times, but they know they can’t force me. They think that if I reach out, even if it's just picking up the phone, dad and I will be fine. Me (24M) and my best friend (22F) have known each other since we were very young and were best friends for over 4 years until just over a year ago. If your mother and her family can’t respect your decision in this then they don’t respect you overall either and you should maintain low to no contact with them until they smarten up. Other people can change, but that takes work and courage on their part. TL;DR: I think her bf told her to stop talking to me but don’t know for sure. NTA - you don't owe someone your time or energy just because you happen to share DNA. Reply reply. My father and his girlfriend are expecting, with the baby being due at the end of April. I wasn't looking for advice, just wanted a place to share my story. Your partner should know that you are in contact and when you plan to meet with them. You could ignore her message and not reply or just block her - the result on her end is the same. Your mom is responsible for her relationship with your dad and what boundaries she sets with him. My point is that your relationship with your family in your 20s is different than it was on your teens. I sent them back with we do not accept gifts/correspondence from the dead. Happy to see me. He was not an involved father to husband and husband's sister despite husband's pleas for father to be more involved in their lives, and husband has every right to be angry about that. Christmas loads of people stayed at Jared's house because it was a big family. My mom was the bridge of communication between me and my daughters, i messaged her that i wanted to meet my daughters in a public place and she recomended a park and we met yesterday. I have an uncle I didnt really talk to for about 5 years after my grandparents passed away. Five years later and my little sister wanted to have her birthday party at my mother's apartment. I would still love to see her again, to reconnect. . So you can do is naturally, reconnect just like if you were out of touch because you guys lived in a different country or family didn’t get together very often, it doesn’t have to be anything dealing with your parents relationships, only on whatever shared experiences that you’ve had together or separately and also knowing that you seem My father emails me every year, normally at xmas and birthdays. Countessnuffy. We all have different views and opinions this is just a place to share the ones we have on family. Now, fuck off! And that goes double for my ex-wife. So now the plan going forward was that I was going to call him on a Saturday, and have my gf there as emotional support. In September 2022, I had a case, not really sure how to say it in English, but it was not as r/AmItheAsshole. . You maintaining any type of contact with your sister or your father is enabling their behavior because they know there's no consequences for their actions. you can still give them shit for what they did to you but if you reconnect on your terms you might be happy with it and now being a father you might be able to understand what they did to you from a different angle. But we all ignored that, and our frequency of contact just decreased from that point on. Non-Romantic. Before the podcast started reading reddit stories, the hosts would choose a topic and research it using Wikipedia. So my father want to reconnect In short, i'm in my late 20s now, and my parents divorced when i was 13, dad destroyed my childhood with his gambling and stuffs and we were never actually have a good dad-son relationship. My mom recently made two posts about our family under the title "My ex divorced me and now he wants to be together again after 4 years. I can appreciate that she said “ex father” and all but most children, even if abused or abandoned, desperately want a connection with their parent. I never considered the conditions thing, I’m absolutely going to do that. You know when you feel that you're been set up, I think I was in this case. This last point rarely occurs in an abusive family dynamic where a target of abuse is expected to forgive. The reason I stopped hanging out with her is the insecurity I felt around her. Too long. Once she left, the responsibilities on taking care of the household and my brother just racked up. and i'm closer with my mother than dad side, we keep connect by phone & messages few years but nothing for last 4-5 years. It has been a long time. he didn't even know he had a grandson till he was 6. AITA for refusing to see my step sister when my family want to reconnect? Not the A-hole. We think we miss them, we hope they will show up emotionally different. My parents ‘disowned’ me and now want to reconnect. My wife isn't working so we've had lots of family time together and we actually took a family trip last week to the aquarium. There's no bad blood, but as I said, I'm not interested in reconnecting. 11. My father had three sons (32, 27 & 17) with my mother and two daughters (29 & 24) with two different women. Given how she acted towards you in the past there's no need to tell her you don't want anything to do with her (which she might just use as excuse to lash out against you again). Estranged alcoholic mom wants to reconnect, haven’t seen her since I was 15. she's scheming and so damn convincing, you'd swear on your grave that she means well and I'm the wicked spoiled daughter but it's not true. Doesn’t introduce her husband for 2 years but now wants to reconnect. When i got there, my daughters had already arrived. I am sorry that you are feeling wounded from not being told about the wedding. He’s allowed to work and live anywhere he might want to. We are not responsible for an adults mental, emotional or physical Last summer my older sister and I had a massive argument on Facebook over me not sending my children to camp with her family for a weekend because the four of us (my fiance, two children and I) were invited to go camping with some friends and their kids would also be there. The reasoning was because I was stressed with school and was trying really hard to finish and ultimately didn't have the capacity to take care of their needs. Well, this is my very first post on Reddit, I’m kinda nervous but I really need some advice. Cps because many strange men were there. This are all fake names. F (older) and M (younger). Here is the text message I sent my ex-friend, maybe you can use parts of it that you find helpful: Hi, I’m doing well, thank you for asking. Intentionally vague for the sake of anonymity and because I don't like talking about it. My [26 M] family disowned me, now want to reconnect. I am the middle child, and have two sisters. I feel that the damage is done. He does not want to reconnect because he misses me. Doesn’t make plan for 2 years. I didn't give Bo another thought after the break-up. Sometimes they’re cheerful, other times they’re angry, sometimes I think he just wants to make me feel guilty for what I’ve done. She sometimes says she loves me when we do get together for some reason and I keep it to If you want to repair the relationship, write out a letter with how much they hurt you when you were trying to be supportive during your own time of mourning. We had four daughters, Jane (24F), Tori (22F),Briana (21F) and Claire (18F). Call your grandmother, she will probably understand more than you think. When I was in my mid teens my brothers told my parents they thought I might be gay and they sent me to church based Sounds like he wants control. One cousin from my other uncle's side of the family did meet up with me, but it felt like I was imposing, and I didn't feel genuinely welcomed. Not so much. au xd oc vy dr aa jl tw xm wh